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quoy ♥

ill cut you now and laugh later*
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Rest in Peace Michael Jackson [26 Jun 2009|11:54am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

I am very saddened by the fact that he died yesterday at only the age of 50. Overall, I am very upset because he died being laughed at, not recognized for his accomplishments. Hearing of his fears of being laughed at and his insecurities, that hurts me. The man was going to come back and do a tour, make up dances and all types of stuff and then he dies. I believe this be a sign to the world, that the media is the devil, people are heartless and cruel, and that despite a person's issues their talent and their heart still remains the same. We all have flaws, which is why we are human, and not perfect... I didn't cry or anything, but I am a serious fan of music, so to be a true fan of music, I have to state what a big loss him dying is. He is and always will be the best entertainer of all time. Looking at his music, his videos, his performances, his vocal abilities, and his strength...he is the American Dream of Music. My prayers go out to him and his family and to his TRUE fans. I dislike when people join the bandwagon when someone dies, I feel you should've given him his flowers while he was breathing. RIP Michael Jackson (1958-2009)

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2009! [04 Jan 2009|12:45pm]
I haven't really been on here, but my life has been fairly good. Have a good job, a good man, and a good outlook on life. Trying hard to get my behind back in school and cut away all the baggage for new years. 2009 is not gonna be like 2008 and prior. I have too much to work for, and too much to accomplish. I refuse to be like other people and fail and sit on my ass and do nothing.

As far as my job, I have a good one but would like to have a better one. I have the goal of doing so before my birthday so that my sister and I can move out.

As far as my boyfriend, he's the best man I have ever had, and although we have lil minor things to work out because of his location and him being in the navy, I know it will work out. He is the realest man I have ever had, and I love him honestly with all of my heart. I have never been so happy in a relationship before, and I hope this time ...this is the last relationship I will ever have to be in. I hope one day we can have children, get married, and live life because we are similar in a lot of ways. We both deserve the best, and nothing but it. I've never felt so happy and I hope that it never has to end.

My new years resolution is to: Put myself first and to make the best out of my situation and be thankful for my blessings as well as my curses. I know God has much more for me and I feel like I need to gain all of his benefits that he has for my life!
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[21 Oct 2007|07:32pm]
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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

it didn't hurt. i kinda liked the feeling...maybe i'm
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i've madeeee my mind up! [16 Oct 2007|07:00pm]
i am gonna get this tattoo.. took me forever to make up my mind. but i'm gonna stick my native american roots. can't decide if i want my name under it or not, but i really like it, it looks similar to a music symbol going through it so i'm definitely feeling it. i think it'll go RIGHT on my lower back, riiiiiight above the buttocks. wha cha think? ;]
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i don't even know anymore.. [17 Sep 2007|10:01pm]
[ mood | blank ]

i don't even know how to go about explaining how i feel. i don't even know why i feel this way. all i know is i feel alone. i know that i've never felt so alone in my life. normally, i know what i want, why i want it, and how i'm gonna go about getting it, but right now, i feel really lost. there are so many things in my life that don't make any type of sense. there are so many things i hold on to, that make life harder. so much i figure will change, and i know deep down inside will never change. i wish i understood why i felt the way i felt about people, why i feel like i gotta be like Jesus and give everyone a second chance. yes, i'm christian, but being a christian doesn't account for being just plain ol naive.

yes i'm hard on myself, i'm the hardest critic i own. yes i have haters and people who try hard to be me, but of all people, i'm the one who critiques myself the most. if i don't get what i want or if things don't end up the way i want, i always wind up pointing the finger at myself. if he doesn't want me, or if i don't make everyone happy i always figure it's me, when 99.9% of the time it's not. i know the truth, but i refuse to think it. being someone else's puppet all of your life, whether it be your parents or your significant other at the time doesn't help define you either.

i still hold on to things i know will never change, if i don't change my disposition. just because i figure i can wait, doesn't mean i can wait forever. and the problem on the other hand, is people think i'mma always be there. if you're not there for me, you bests believe, i'm not gonna put myself out there to be shot at again. people are just anal as hell. only in it for themselves. only in things for self-gain. if we all were like that, then how would any of us make it anywhere in life, you gotta love or care for someone else like you care for yourself, and if you don't...what kind of person are you? i just couldn't be that way. i couldn't see myself being selfish just because he or she is. i'm tryna be the person i need to be. but i know one thing i need to change is how much i give others chances...

i'm just tired. of being cheated on, lied to, hurt, screwed over, played, deceived, blamed, and belittled. i don't do it to others, so i don't deserve and i won't put up with it anymore. i'm what i need to be, and just because those people can't seem to understand it, doesn't mean i need to go about explaining it to them.

if people minded their business it would be a better place. screw the drama and violence cry, i'm all for the mind your business campaigne. people need to do it more often.

i try my hardest to maintain a blank face, but on the inside, there's a whole lot more than you could ever imagine..

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random and lines.. [06 Sep 2007|12:12am]
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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


To the ones who thought they had me,
I can not be got.

To those who flashed their money,
I can not be brought.

To those who play games,
I'm too old for those.

To those who don't like wifey type,
Fuck gettin me,
Get @ dem hoes.

So tired of the drama,
So tired of the lies.
If you ain't got yo shit together,
Get out my face,
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randomness.. [05 Sep 2007|12:06am]
[ mood | blank ]

i'm so much deeper than i appear to be.
there's so much more than meets the eye.
there's so much that i kno should die in my life.
but yet i give a breath again, and allow it to stay alive.
yeah, the feelings i got for him,
according to others & even me @ times should've died,
but somehow, i donno wha i am, if i let it die.
it's fucked up how i'm lost and confused,
it's fucked up how i feel used.
it's fucked up how he's like a drug,
one second i'm high in heaven,
and the next i feel abused...
if love is this way,
i want it AND hate it.
if love is this way,
i'll leave it AND take it.
how can i blame his ass for taking advantage,
when i'm the one who put myself on this payment,
a payment of love, hurt, and pain..
a payment of shit, i want ..
but at the same time, wish i'd never have again.
he fucks me up, like a bottle of vodka,
i drink and drink, and at the same time, tell him to stop.
i'm backwards as shit, i don't kno what i want,
i kno i want him beside me,
i want him to stop runnin...

if i'm beautiful to you,
you say i'm what you want?

(yal like how that sentimental poem, had such a HORRIFIC UNSETTLING ENDING don't yal?!) -- i'm half sleep & drugged up off of medicine...don't mind me.

and yes, i kno this is NOT private. :)


just had to do it... [25 Aug 2006|01:02pm]
iiiii don't need no pressure from youuuuuuuuuuuu.......

sleep on it, i'mma sleep on ittttttttttttttt...........

and i'll get back wit you when you wannaaaaaaa.......... in peace aaliyah (i remember she died today b/c its the day after my dads birthday) <3
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[25 Jul 2006|07:22pm]
i'm in my dorm chillin on my friends laptop. dormlife is so crazy. can't believe it's so fun yet boring at the same time. but i'm just in a program that ends on friday, so i'll holla friday ;) or somethin like that..
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[03 Jun 2006|07:55am]
happy birthday to my sister neesa! luh you sis! hope you have a good day! *hugs*
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[27 May 2006|08:55am]
prom tonight...

graduation wednesday

...c/o 2006

i cant believe its almost over. *HALF SMILE*

...and yes, pictures will be coming *wink*
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[24 Apr 2006|11:28am]
yeah, i'm turned 17 today, and i'm bout to go get an...

oil change for my car.

didnt expect that did you, prolly thought i said i was gonna get my hair done or something. LMAO.
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[24 Mar 2006|10:04pm]
graduating, driving, maintaining my car, going to school, paying bills, staying single. you really haven't missed shit in my life. except the major let downs and fustrations.. *shrug* how are you all?
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[26 Oct 2005|07:55pm]
[ mood | sarcastic ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.comi feel like categorizing people. so here we go.

people i don't take very seriously:
so homegirl says she gonna hit you in your mouth when you see her, you bump into her, and the bitch says "sorry"...what the fck, you ran into HER (don't take her seriously..please don't).

homegirl says she gonna bring her ass to your house to fight right? you bold enough to drive to her house, and you hear her in the background tellin her peeps to tell you that she ain't home (please, don't take her seriously).

homeboy says he gonna pick you up and take you out to eat, you ask him where yal going, he says McDonalds *blank stare*...he's too broke for you, let alone prolly for gas.. (please. don't EVER take him serious).

your friends ask you where you wanna go...yet they ask YOU for gas, when you ain't even ask them to go anywhere, (um...get new friends, and NEVER take them serious...).

homeboy, says he misses you, and then tells you to call him right back, as if you don't realize he got a nextel, and he OBVIOUSLY don't miss you enough to use some of his 300 minutes his cheap ass is workin wit.

homeboy/homegirl, anyone...says they can dance, but yet they knee, ankle, head, hair (yes, i said hair..) suddenly hurts... (please don't take them to a dancing audition with you...) same with'll have your cats singing along with em...on the real.

your friend, claims they smoke, yet they don't kno how to use a lighter... *ummm* smoke REGULARLY...? (they'd prolly be the one to holla some, "I SMOKE NEWPORT 400'S!!" lol..

your mom wants to hang with your type of music, she holla some, "AKON AND YOUNG JESUSSSSSSS!!" --- (that's actually what my mom did when i was driving this morning" *shakes head*

your peeps, holla they a blood, but they fckin best friends with a crip... (are you SERIOUS)...they cripwalk and blood hop together, PLEASE catch they asses on video cam, and send it to america's funniest home videos, and DON'T take them serious.

homegirl, holla she from new york, you ask her where, "OH YOU KNO, SOMEWHERE IN MANHATTAN" ...SHE'S lying, tell her to shut the fck up, and stay where she at...

these are the examples of fakeness, i thought it should be addressed. more coming later.

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homecoming [09 Oct 2005|06:30pm]
Image hosted by

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[27 Sep 2005|12:17pm]
anybody got sprint?

and if u do, do you have an rlink?

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[21 Aug 2005|03:16pm]
i'm still alive.
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[19 May 2005|08:17pm]
almost a senior ... 06' ......yes...
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[17 Apr 2005|11:26pm]
i had fun at prom with baby, write more tomorrow.

in love with this song...we belong together

When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody else
We belong together
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[06 Apr 2005|10:17pm]
i'm not happy. i'm just... not happy. and for some reason, the things that normally make me happy, don't. somehow, i saw this coming. it's just another rainy day period, where i just place the sheet over my head and hope to sleep it away. then reality hits me, that's not possible... my boyfriend has tried everything in the book to make me happy, he's definitely been there for me, my sister ( neesaneesa ) has too, thank you sis <3. but somehow, only i can get myself out of this, and right now, it's been a never ending battle of unfortanate events, day after day, something bad happens, you kno how you think something can't get any worse? well my life does, each day, slowly get worse. i wish i could have a fckin normal life, but then again, i wish i was legal, and i'm not, so there you have it. fck wishing, i wish i could just make shit happen, unfortanately, that's not in my power...
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